THE WORLD ACCORDING TO PUTIN

I never thought in a million years my hero would be an ex-KGB officer ruling over the Oligarchy that is the remains of the failed ex-Soviet Union . . . but when you think about it from the point of view of a laissez-faire capitalist privateer - which is what I am - it all makes perfect sense . . . S.L.

You're right on both counts, Vlad . . .

Putin has to wear special goggles to prevent inadvertantly vaporizing people with the laser beams that emit from his eyes . . .

"I will CRUSH YOUR NUTS!" - Vladimir Putin the Statesman, addressing the EU Parliament

"You talkin' to ME, Asshole?"

"So then I said to this Obama ass-clown, 'You gonna do somethin' about it? You ... and WHOSE ARMY???' HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!"

"And then I grabbed this Biden idiot by the balls, squeezed REAL TIGHT and lifted him up off the floor and said to him: 'LISSEN TO ME YOU PISS-POOR PIECE OF SH*T EXCUSE FOR AMERICANSKI VICE-PRESIDENT: I AM PUTIN! I WILL CRUSH YOUR NUTS!!!' "

"I AM PUTIN!!! I AM PUTIN!!!"

Putin, the Animals trust him . . .

. . . FISH FEAR HIM . . .

Putin keeps the situation in check by personally pulling sniper missions against select targets in Chechnya and Syria . . .

Putin plays Tchaikovski at the Royal Albert Hall . . .

Putin communicates with the wild birds . . .

PUTIN SOARS WITH THE BIRDS IN THE SKY!!!

PUTIN IS WATCHING YOU!!!

Putin doesn't care what anybody thinks! Anybody who stands up to him, he will LAUNCH CRUISE MISSILES at them from his personal RED OCTOBER NUCLEAR SUBMARINE ! ! !

Vladimir Putin, A Man for All Seasons . . .

If we chose our leaders by gladiator fights, mano-a-mano, is there any doubt who'd win?

STORMBRINGER SENDS